Election Day = Wedding Day

Way back in 2004, when the commonwealth of Massachusetts announced its passage of the first real same-sex marriage law (how that must have pissed off Mitt Romney!) my partner Tom Klebba and I decided that it was time to legalize our 15-year union.

Here's a bit of background: We had met in 1988 as members of the New York City Gay Men's Chorus (I was a charter member, Tom had recently joined) and had both been cast in the Chorus' production of "Once Upon a Mattress." The production was mostly notable for introducing us to each other, but also because it began some of our lifelong friendships (Irma Csermak, Hank Baker), was a jumping-off point for a future Broadway star (Ann Harada of "Avenue Q" fame) and sadly, a farewell to several of our theatre colleagues (Martin Teitel, David Bartee). It also was the beginning of our theatrical collaboration (Tom as director, Jay as producer) , first with "110 in the Shade" at NYU, and then subsequent off-Broadway productions under our Opening Doors banner (with a tip of the hat to Stephen Sondheim) of "You're Gonna Love Tomorrow," "Company," "Anyone Can Whistle" (its first New York incarnation since its 9-performance run in 1964), "On a Clear Day..." (with the amazing Burton Lane as our artistic advisor), and our own Cole Porter revue, "Anything Cole."

Back to our wedding: in preparation for our nuptials, we joined the Unitarian Church in Pittsfield, MA, not far from our upstate home in the Berkshires. All plans were made: string trio to play Satie, Bernstein and Ravel for the ceremony, the briefly formed Berkshire Gay Men's Chorus (in their debut and farewell performance), singing the Bock/Harnick "Sabbath Prayer," a jazz band for all-night dancing under a tent that had been magically built and decorated on our upstate property, caterers, wedding planners, celebrants, the whole nine yards. Just as we were going to press with our elaborately designed invitations (the amazing work of our niece Alana), the law allowing same-sex couples to marry in Massachusetts went into effect. Within a few days, the bad news came fast: in an effort to stem the tide of too many gay men and lesbians coming to their state, the Massachusetts legislation refused to allow same-sex out-of-state residents to obtain marriage licenses by invoking a 1913 miscegenation law that was still on the books (don't even ask; it was Romney and his ilk getting back at us).

We were devastated. What to do? Only one answer: move forward. Law or no law, the "wedding" took place as planned, on July 10, 2004, and it was a magical day for us, our family and our friends. Our upstate home flowed over with love and celebration and beautiful weather, including a knockout sunset. All was well, but...when would we be able to legalize our union?

It took four years, but finally on July 31, 2008, more than four years later, the fight was won: same-sex couples were now legally able to marry in Massachusetts!! But when to do it? Tom had the obvious answer: to marry on Election Day, our 20th anniversary, which would also (we hoped) celebrate the day our country began its long, slow but inevitable climb toward hope. We contacted the estimable Boston-based organization GLAD (Gay and Lesbian Advocates and Defenders), a group that has done more for LGBT rights that any group we know, and found an amazing 28-page document, "How to Get Married in Massachusetts," that tells you everything you could possibly need to know.

It led us to search for a Massachusetts-based Justice of the Peace. We wrote to several JPs, all of whom got back to us very quickly. But one stood out from the others. His name is Brian Birkel, he's located in Pittsfield, and he was absolutely the right guy for us. He called me immediately to discuss what we wanted. I explained our situation, the fact that we had already had the big ceremony four years ago, and now we wanted to simply say "I do" legally. He admitted that we were the first same-sex couple he would marry, and was extremely enthusiastic to work with us. Over the next few weeks I sent him some information about our lives together, our 2004 ceremony etc. From this he fashioned a brief but beautiful ceremony, held in his back yard under warm and sunny November skies, complete with the exchange of rings once again (I had not removed my ring since Tom placed it on my finger more than four years earlier, and only the adrenaline of the situation managed to get it off and then on again). Brian was clearly moved by the event, and we were so glad that we had chosen him.

After some hugs and kisses and a few tears, the deed was done, and we were now married! Off we went to a very elegant lunch at Wheatleigh, a beautiful old mansion-turned-hotel, where we had the entire dining room to ourselves. As we had already voted for our man earlier that morning, we hurried home to watch the election results that we had prayed for but were still afraid to count on...and on November 4, 2008 all our prayers and fondest hopes came true. It would be a day to remember for all the right reasons. And it would also be a day to continue the fight, as Proposition 8 brought a temporary halt to same-sex marriage in Calfornia. But as thousands of people protested this latest indignity at rallies all over the country, we truly believe that future legislation will once again turn in our favor, and that what was begun in Massachusetts in 2004 will one day be law throughout this country.